I realized something this morning after Elder Douglas and I had our companionship planning session. My journal has been full now for maybe 3-5 weeks now and I simply have not been writing. I started to remember an entry in my journal that means very much to me. As I pondered about that entry I began to feel the spirit very strongly, and I remembered very vividly the experience I had, had when I wrote that entry, I felt the memory of my Heavenly Fathers love for me as I read the journal entry in my mind. And from that very small moment I was given understanding. This is when I realized something, about 4 transfers too late. I love my mission with all my heart. I am doing all I can to make this time count. I have had many tough yet rewarding experience but the toughest I might say has been these past 4 transfers. The difficulties I have experienced here in Mt. Pleasant have come with normal missionary life, the only difference is how I have dealt with them. But anyway, what I have realized was this: To conquer the adversity and difficulties that come with missionary life, I was simply ignoring them and pushing forward. I tried to simply keep working hard and let those things take care of themselves as I got lost again and again in the work. I found this morning that I have not taken enough time to "be still". Elder Holland said that it is our charge as missionaries to "get people out of there ruts and routines, out of there ignorance and earthly little arguments." And yet I was in one, I was allowing myself to be pulled away from the spirit by simply, mechanically going through the efforts of missionary work, and not the blessings of missionary work. What had happened was that I allowed my prayers to become routine and self-centered. That was it! That was the source of the hard times! I have a testimony that it is through the power of prayer that we grow and become better, it is through the power of prayer that we can overcome ourselves and follow Christ will full purpose of heart. In missionary work what greater thing can we teach than this principle of truth: "When we pray with real intent, we will know what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. Our Heavenly Father hears our prayers. If we pray, pray, pray, we can know, know know." Words simply can't express my gratitude for the opportunity to be a missionary. It has changed me so much. At the beginning of my mission I thought about what would come next, with things like school, friends, work etc.. For probably the past 18 months of my mission it has been all about taking my mission home with me, being a missionary forever! (And don't misunderstand when I say that, what I mean is that I have my mission rooted pretty deeply in my heart and for the past 18 months it has been a focus from time to time of this attitude, "What can I do to learn and gain more attributes of my Savior, what can I do continually to come home with a brighter testimony a stronger testimony, a missionaries testimony..)
I have had the blessing of working with so many people and I am so grateful for the time that I yet have to show the Lord my desire for his work and his glory to be brought to pass! In my short experience that I have had thus far on my mission, I have come to understand the role of the devil is to be, "the great pessimist". He stands idly by all investigators and members alike. I have seen so many humble and pure in heart investigators throw away virtually all hope of being baptized because they listened to "the great pessimist" who persists and thrives and lives in the testimonies of, "you can't", "you don't need to", "you are good enough", "you don't know.", even to the point of, "it really just doesn't matter." My testimony is that we can do it! We must do it! We are perfectly capable of doing it, and it really does matter whether we follow the Savior with full purpose of heart or not!
But anyway I love you all so much. I just wanted to share my testimony of the power of prayer! Let's do everything we can to help people be baptized! Love ya!
